Heyyyy!!!
Helloooooo!!
News flash: Our community is ailing.
We are in desperate need of some healing, some TLC.
Not quite on life support, but definitely ICU status.
The symptom that is most disturbing is apparent in our interactions with one another. As my BMF (best male friend), Reese, puts it, “Black folks don’t know how to be social anymore.” (Reese is a genius, by the way.) Before anyone crazy enough to be reading this gets their panties in a bunch, allow me to explain. Take my favorite hangout, Roxxy’s, as an example. I know, it’s not exactly a scientific control group but it works for me. I engage in two of my favorite pastimes during the countless hours per week that I spend there- people watching and ear hustling (I am almost a professional at both). So, using Roxxy’s as a microcosm- a fishbowl of sorts- of the surrounding community I can positively assert that we are in trouble. If I were speaking to Houston, I’d say we DEFINITELY have a problem.The issue? Women and men find it extremely difficult to positively interact. What happened to the days when men asked women if they’d like to dance? When did it become socially acceptable for men to impose their will on unsuspecting women like rabid dogs? Why do women who want to gather male attention feel that it is necessary to engage in female-on-female pornographic dance moves? Why are we so intimidated by one another that we resort to outright disrespectful behavior in public? These things happen because the community is trying to live with its illness rather than seeking a cure.
Part of the solution could be returning to the behavior of previous generations. Would a woman be asking too much if she desired to not be referred to as a “bitch” or “ho”, especially when the reference is made by a man who is trying to convey his interest in her? I’d find it pretty hard to believe that my grandfather spoke this way to my grandmother.
Is it terribly difficult for women to “inspect what they expect”? Would your father have stepped to your mom if she was at a Mississippi juke joint “bumping uglies” with another female, much to the delight of the men who were just too cheap to go to the strip club? Better yet, would he have wanted to make her the mother of his children? It is implausible to demand to be treated with respect when you carry on in a disrespectful manner. We should not be so starved for attention that we accept negative attention. It is counterproductive to what should be our collective goal- to be recognized as queens by all who come in contact with us.
Men need to step to ladies correctly- that means your underwear should not be in plain view (including your white tees). I’ve never seen a picture of Martin or Malcolm in which I could definitively answer the question “Boxers or briefs?” Dress the part. Get some real shoes. Wear a shirt with some buttons, or a collar, or a message. Take your time getting to the good part- “You got a fat ass” or “Damn them some big titties” can hardly be regarded as successful pick up lines. (Trust me on this.) When a woman is approached in this manner, she should respectfully check the brother. That can go a long way towards curing his ignorance and he may one day thank you for it.
Brothers, begging for drinks, food, cigarettes- from ANYONE- is so unattractive!! I don’t mean harmlessly asking a friend- I mean going from person to person literally begging. How can a woman view you as a man if you can’t support your own habits? If you can’t provide for yourself how in the world could anyone expect you to provide for them? Have a little pride. If you can’t buy your own drinks you may need to reconsider stepping out.
I feel like having a “School Daze” moment. (I’ll give everyone a moment to channel their inner DVD player to remember the relevance of this particular Spike Lee Joint.) You know, just running through the hood ringing a bell and yelling “WAKE UP!! WAKE UP!!” If these things are regular occurrences at Roxxy’s we need to smell the coffee. The writing is on the wall. My research shows that the symptoms I have shared with you continue to be spread throughout the community. I suppose Reese and I should currently be working on a vaccine.
I am making the situation sound hopeless, maybe even a little funny. It’s not. I do know some positive brothers and sisters who, while they battle their own demons, don’t step on the toes of others. I am a positive sister most of the time and I can admit my own failings and strive to be the best me I can be. I yearn to be the neighbor that I want as my neighbor and my circle is filled with like minded individuals. And I suppose that this attitude is the vaccine that our community needs. We need to treat one another as we desire to be treated. The greatest Biblical commandment- love thy neighbor as thyself. It worked for our grandparents and great grandparents. So, we need to go back to what worked in earlier generations. The illness is not terminal.
