Re-Investing in Self

Lately I have been thinking about ways to improve myself.  I recognize some characteristics and beliefs that I have that have been incredibly limiting and am now ready to release them.  The issue that I wrestle with is that some of these characteristics are not necessarily negative- just limiting.  For instance, I am extremely loyal.  I am loyal to my friends, my lovers, my hangouts.  I show up when I don't feel like showing up, I support when I am in need of support, I love even when the love is not returned.  I am always THERE.  So, one of the steps I need to take is re-investing that loyalty in myself.  I need to slow down when I feel sick, and rest.  I need to hit ignore on the phone sometimes and ponder my own situations instead of strapping my friends' problems to my back and carrying them around like they are mine.  I need to quit feeling obligated to being "the life of the party" and sit a couple out.  I need to be selfish.  Spend a day at home with my son doing absolutely nothing or everything (depending on how I feel).  Go back to reading books from cover to cover, because it's more entertaining than hanging out.  And if my "friends" can't handle the selfish version of ME, say fuck them and mean it.  I need to re-invest in me, and they don't have to like it.  Once upon a time loyalty to others was an endearing quality that made people want to be around me but somehow now it translates into boring and I become taken for granted.  There is at least one person who won't take my loyalty for granted, though, and that's me.  As long as I am looking out for me I can't go wrong.  Once I have mastered being loyal to my wishes, my feelings, my SELF I may be able to pour it out to my friends, lovers, and hangouts.  For now, I plan to concentrate on being the best woman, mother, sister, auntie- the best me- I can be.   The next step in my evolution is for me to "devolve" into a self centered, narcissistic, asshole so that I can learn how much of myself to give to others and how much to hoard.  I think that learning to value me and mine over everything is an important step to growth.  If I value me and mine, I will do nothing to de-value us.  World be ready, I am unveiling the new and improved version of MizzInkredible!!

God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me.  ~Author Unknown

To the question of your life you are the answer, and to the problems of your life you are the solution.  ~Joe Cordare

9/11 National Holiday?

Should the anniversary of the 9/11/2001 be a federally recognized holiday?  In my opinion, it should not.  I feel this way because, while we won't forget the egregious nature of the attack, we have to acknowledge that our government did not take the necessary steps to prevent it.  So, do we reward them for NOT protecting the citizens of this country by giving them a day off with pay?  No, we should send them to work that day, and everyday, until they admit the part the federal government played in making these attacks possible.
    I could delve into several theories that chronicle the conspiracy, but I will, instead, encourage you to read Jesse Ventura's "American Conspiracies".  Soon after the attacks, I (along with many other people) began to think that there had to be more to the story than what we were being fed by the media.  How could an attack of this magnitude be possible in America, especially when the "weapons" of choice were airplanes?  It should have been nearly impossible for that many planes to be hijacked and re-routed without red flags going up or even ONE being intercepted (although I do believe that the plane that went down in Pennsylvania was shot down).  Who had prior knowledge that our fighter jets would be participating in military drills that took them far away from the sites of the attacks? 
   The federal government had warnings that these attacks were being planned, yet failed to take them serious enough to place our military on heightened alert.  Because of their prior knowledge and inaction, they should be held equally (if not MORE) responsible for the acts that precipitated the loss of lives on that fateful day.  So, give them the day off?  Surely, you jest.  They took THAT day off.

Keeping the Faith- and Why That's Hard to Do

I am a young, black, single mother who is gainfully employed, attractive and independent.  I am extremely bright, have a good personality, and am quite well rounded.  Yet, I am unwillingly single.  I said it- UNWILLINGLY single.  Meaning, I am lonesome, I would like to meet a black man who brings to the table what I bring.  I have previously used all of the single black woman cop outs- straight out of the cop out manual.  They're either married, locked up, gay or dating white women.  Very short manual.  But, the truth is, I now know that I need to inspect what I expect.  I also need to explore what may be some of my less than endearing qualities.  Some men can't handle an ultra competitive, potty mouthed, hard drinking, rough around the edges female.  Not that I am willing to try to "change" into a more suitable chick if they can't.  Again, I believe in a higher power- God, Jehovah.  So, I have requested from Him to deliver to me a man who can handle me as I am.  Who is turned on by my competitiveness, who loves me despite my mouth, will match me drink for drink, and realizes that diamonds start off with rough edges.  And, I believe that God will deliver that man to me in His own time- when both of us are ready to receive the gift of love.  I am attempting to exercise patience and faith in this process.  I am devoting time and energy to the process of connecting to my inner being and becoming a more rounded person in the meantime.  But deep, deep down, I still want to force God's hand.  I want God to send me the man I think is perfect for me instead of the man HE knows is perfect for me.  I lust and long after one man in particular, and I make it my business to focus on all the ways that I know he is the best thing for me.  Truth is, he may very well be but I need to let go of what my ego is telling me and move (in faith)  throughout my days like he is just another friend.  And that is very hard to do.  He isn't just another friend, he is amongst my best friends.  He entered my life a year ago, and I can't remember the last time I bonded with anyone so quickly.  He is a fixture in my life- I can't think of going one single week without seeing his face or hearing his voice.  But the time is not right, or we are not right for one another because God knows best.  So, the problem is I need to exercise my faith but my intuition tells me that he is my man.  Our close relationship further compounds the issue.  Should I, as the ultimate act of faith, limit my contact with this man whom I love so the temptation to manipulate God's plan is minimized?  Or should I have faith that God's plan will prevail despite my intentions?