Re-Investing in Self

Lately I have been thinking about ways to improve myself.  I recognize some characteristics and beliefs that I have that have been incredibly limiting and am now ready to release them.  The issue that I wrestle with is that some of these characteristics are not necessarily negative- just limiting.  For instance, I am extremely loyal.  I am loyal to my friends, my lovers, my hangouts.  I show up when I don't feel like showing up, I support when I am in need of support, I love even when the love is not returned.  I am always THERE.  So, one of the steps I need to take is re-investing that loyalty in myself.  I need to slow down when I feel sick, and rest.  I need to hit ignore on the phone sometimes and ponder my own situations instead of strapping my friends' problems to my back and carrying them around like they are mine.  I need to quit feeling obligated to being "the life of the party" and sit a couple out.  I need to be selfish.  Spend a day at home with my son doing absolutely nothing or everything (depending on how I feel).  Go back to reading books from cover to cover, because it's more entertaining than hanging out.  And if my "friends" can't handle the selfish version of ME, say fuck them and mean it.  I need to re-invest in me, and they don't have to like it.  Once upon a time loyalty to others was an endearing quality that made people want to be around me but somehow now it translates into boring and I become taken for granted.  There is at least one person who won't take my loyalty for granted, though, and that's me.  As long as I am looking out for me I can't go wrong.  Once I have mastered being loyal to my wishes, my feelings, my SELF I may be able to pour it out to my friends, lovers, and hangouts.  For now, I plan to concentrate on being the best woman, mother, sister, auntie- the best me- I can be.   The next step in my evolution is for me to "devolve" into a self centered, narcissistic, asshole so that I can learn how much of myself to give to others and how much to hoard.  I think that learning to value me and mine over everything is an important step to growth.  If I value me and mine, I will do nothing to de-value us.  World be ready, I am unveiling the new and improved version of MizzInkredible!!

God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me.  ~Author Unknown

To the question of your life you are the answer, and to the problems of your life you are the solution.  ~Joe Cordare